7 Tips to help you move on after a divorce
Updated: Oct 7
I know that going through any divorce has devastating effects not only on you but repercussions on the friends you had as a couple. They feel awkward and have no idea how to treat you or your ex spouse so tend to stay away in order not to been seen to side with one or the other of you in case it upsets the other.
I’ve’ seen this happens so many times leading to terrible loneness and feelings of abandonment. Just when you need a friend to confide in they are nowhere to be seen. It’s similar to when someone has lost a partner - people don’t know how to treat you. They stay away as they feel they may upset you and say something wrong.
You are very lucky if you do have a friend that will stand by you, as this is when you need that shoulder to lean on. It’s an emotional roller coaster even in the most amicable of separation and divorce.
So here are my 7 tips to help you through this emotional time.
1. Explain to your friends how you feel. Be open and tell them that you need their support and it doesn’t matter if they are still friends with your ex - they can still be friends with both of you and not feel disloyal to either. Pop a note with a photo of you together (if you have one) in the post to them to remind them how much you care about them.
2. Be kind to yourself - you have been in an emotional washing machine for quite a while so you need time to come to terms with your new life. Things are going to be different in many ways so you need time to adjust. Try to do one thing per day that is a reward for staying positive.
3. Stay in contact with friends, don’t shut yourself off from people whilst you are licking wounds - you need to keep talking and being in company other wise people will stop thinking about you and you will lose touch and find yourself no longer included in their circle. Phone one of your friends today and make that effort.
4. Try not to unload all of your issues on your friends and become dependant on them as there will become a time when they will get fed up with your constant negativity. They may well ask in the beginning if they can help, but it’s up to you to make the best of situations and take charge of your feelings and emotions. Get professional help if you feel you are not moving on. Write down 3 things you have to be thankful for each night before you go off to sleep.
5. Take a good look at what you need to start your new life and take action. There’s nothing like taking control of situations to increase your confidence. Have a good clear out of your emotional cupboard ready to make way for new things and adventures. Start a diary to keep track of your progress.
6. Concentrate your efforts on taking up a new hobby or maybe there’s a hobby you have that you could turn into a small business. Look for new exciting things to do - don’t dwell on the past, you can’t change it. Write a list of all the things you enjoy doing and take action to search for ways you can fulfill these – join a club or society.
7. Take charge of your finances - this will give you independence and a feeling of security. You will be amazed what being in control of your own financial situation can do for you confidence and peace of mind. Look for ways you can do this on Google or ask a friend!
Well I hope these tips help you - I just have a question for you - what are you going to do about your situation? Ask yourself - what is it that I need to do to put things to help me in place, how can I do that? As a coach I know that if you ask your brain a question it will keep whizzing away until it comes up with an answer! Need any help look no further - give me a call and let’s chat about how we can get you back in control on track and towards a better happier life.
Until the next time take care, lots of love