• Teresa Bulford-Cooper

How to cope through Divorce and Separation

Updated: Aug 27, 2020

For many ladies it can come as quite a shock to realise that their marriage is over. For years they have been getting along and all was well, everything seemed fine then suddenly a hard time hits such as being locked down with Covid19. Being thrown into a turmoil with so many uncertainties it can have a devastating effect on what was once a wonderful relationship. Little things start to grate on your nerves and before you know it arguments start and where before you could walk out and slam a door, go for a drive to have a chin wag with friend, a good self rant, return and make up you can’t do that - there’s no escape to the outside you have to try to deal with it. These clashes spark emotions which are already highlighted by the unprecedented times and begin to spiral out of control. You begin to see the cracks in your relationship, which widen and before you look around there is an broken bridge and no way back. When realisation of there being no way back to that once wonderful relationship, even if after trying couples counseling the next step is to the solicitors and filing for divorce!

This is such a very emotive time for all involved, not just to the couple but it also has deviating effects on the children (which I will talk about in another blog) and other relatives and friends.

You probably feel like your going out of your mind so what can you do to protect your sanity in this uncertain time?

Here are 3 Tips, which I hope will help you.

1. Get in charge of your emotions.

Ask your self, why am I feeling this way, (you already know the answer but asking yourself this question will start a reasoning function in your brain to kick in), what can I do about it? Getting uptight and stressed is not good for your blood pressure and doesn’t help situations. Try and stay as calm as you can and remember that everything is a process, there is always a beginning, a middle and an end and this will pass. Take yourself off for a walk, find a place to sit quietly and let your self calm down.

2. Instead of getting into heated discussions try to be proactive not reactive. Take a moment to think about what you are about to say when asked a question or being accused of something. Bite your tongue and think of the outcome of what you are about to say. By the way - just because someone asked a question does not mean you have to answer it!

3. Give yourself a break, take yourself out of the emotional roller coaster for a while by doing things such as watching some comedy films and having a good laugh, sing and dance like no one is watching - turn the music up loud, phone a friend for a good chat. All of these things will release those happy endorphins in your brain - giving you the happy factor. I know it is difficult but try and see the positive side of things and reject negative thinking which will destroy your confidence.

I hope these few tips are helpful, please feel free to contact me at anytime for a chat, I can’t personally offer you tea and biscuits but we can talk on the phone!

Big hugs. Teresa. x

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