• Teresa Bulford-Cooper

How to deal with empty nester emotions

Updated: Aug 27, 2020

Dealing with the emotions we feel once the children have outgrown us and left home can be difficult to come to terms with. Opening my emails this morning I had one from a lovely lady who said:-

"When I woke this morning my immediate thoughts were what shall I do today, what do I need to do?  Nothing seems to have any urgency like it did when the family were buzzing arround the house demanding to know wheres this and can I do that.  Although I have the freedom of choice now that they have all left home, the kids scattered and my partner out all day at work it just seems so empty and dare I say boring!  I’m finding choice is not always a comfortable thing, theres no structure anymore and I feel all at sea".  

What can she do to help her with these feelings?  One of the most useful things is to start putting some structure into her day by compiling a list for the next day/week/month/year.

This can be anything such as. 

1. Get up & have breakfast. 

2. Walk the dogs (change direction of the walk each day to give variety) or some form of exercise that will get her activated. There are so many benifits to being active not just for mental wellbeing but also pysical wellness.

3.Coffee time - Skype friends and have a good discussion about a current topic

4. Prepare some lunch….

Do you see where I am going with this? 

It doesn’t have to be major things on that list, it can be tiny things but theres something magical that happens in the brain when you write things down. Once things are written on a list it will start to build structure into your life. We all need structure no matter what it contains.  Thats why this lady is feeling lost now that everyone has left home, because even though it may have been chaotic it was still structured choas. 

It’s important to put a line through things as you have done them as this will give you a feeling of having achieved something through your day. The last thing to be doing at the end of the day is slumping down in front of the TV with a feeling of another wasted day, which is not good for your mental health. We all need that feeling of having achieved something during our day no matter how small it might be otherwise it will effect our wellbeing. 

Hope this is helpful to some of you other ladies out there who may be feeling a bit lost. I am always up for a chat, just contact me and we can get the coffee on, have a good chin wag then hopefully get you in a better mental place. 

Big hugs


P.S. I would love you to keep in touch with me so please do sign up for the occasional newsletter and further tips and I promise I will NEVER share your details with anyone. x

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