Moving on after Separation/Divorce
Updated: Aug 27, 2020
When the towel has finally been thrown in and you and your partner have decided to separate or divorce it’s a very traumatic and emotive time. There's so much to deal with and knowing where to start can be a nightmare. Setting apart the emotional feelings you also have to start sorting out the practical things such as who has what, which is always a tricky area.
If you’ve spent many years together there is bound to be lots of trinkets and things collected over the years. Who has the family album and what do you do with all the photos collected from holidays and special times?
It’s not just the material things though is it? If pets like cats and dogs are involved it can be very heart wrenching for which one of you who looses out on having the best friend in the household. It’s like loosing your baby or best friend and can add to the greving process. So how do you make that choice?
The law in England & Wales is very clear and states that a pet is to be treated as an item of personal property such as a piece of furniture, artwork or jewellery, which seems a bit harsh. It's best to try and be amicable and consider whats best for your pet, and where they would be happiest. Who will be home with it most of the day and give it the attention it needs?
Grieving over a lost relationship is inevitable no matter how much you or your partner wanted to leave the relationship. Going through mixed emotions is entirely normal, its the same process as loosing someone dear to you, it takes time to heal wounds and adjust to a different way of life.
Give yourself time - it’s true what they say, time is a great healer.
Be kind to yourself, don’t beat yourself up over silly things - it all comes out in the wash!
At the end of the day you want to move on and find happiness again so you have some important choices to make, for example do you need to find somewhere else to live? If so where will you go and how will you know you make the right choice?
Just take a few moments and let yourself imagine where you would like to be and what you would like to be doing. Seeing yourself settled and happy again, who knows, maybe a new relationship. Where are you and what are you doing?
Some women like to move away and start a fresh somewhere else but if you move away from the area and leave your circle of friends how will you make new ones - its a very brave but completely doable choice.
There are people who can help you with relocation choices such as Helen Heyns who helps people find homes in the South West ( https://lovelifestyle.org).
Lots of women decide to return to places they have lived before, especially in childhood- possibly because they have lots of happier memories there and still have childhood friends in the area.
At the end of the day you have to do what you are happy with and what works for you. If you need a little help with decisions and directions contact me for a chat and lets see if I can help you.
Til the next time, much love
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